Small Talk

Teeth for Tat

I have pretty molars. Pretty enough that when I look at them in the mirror, I am reminded of the ruins of the Colisseum.

Which is how I found myself at my dentist’s chair this morning.
The day before, in an act of conciliation with my boss, I accepted her offer of soft Sugus candies. And promptly broke my fillings. ON SOFT CANDY.

Now pray tell me, whoever loses their fillings on soft candy?

…..

So Doc Beth gave me the look through, “You really should get crowns. Fillings aren’t doing the job anymore.”

Sure, I said. How much?

“Five thousand.” I gave a squeal. And almost immediately, she countered, “But I’d give it to you for four.”

My, getting your teeth righted out can be so expensive.

…..

Doc Beth has been my dentist for seven years. I first met her during my time at the Manila Sanitarium. On that fateful day, she dropped by the computer lab where I was working and had a few reports printed out.

“Could you be my model?”

I was flustered. I had never been invited to model for anything before – probably something to do with me being an ugly duckling. But, ah, now I was a swan – an ugly swan. But since I was absolutely flattered to be asked to do so, I readily agreed. This here would be my stab at redemption.

“Meet me at the Science class at 10”

And so I got my best shirt. Combed my hair for once. Used shampoo for once. And trotted to the meeting place.

It turns out that the demonstration would be for a tooth whitening procedure.

I gingerly made my way to the front, and gazed at the interested faces of the class. In the back of my head, in my ego of egos, I wanted to make a good impression.

And as fate would usually have it. I did not.

First of all, I was required to sit right in from and open my mouth as wide as possible. And honestly, I really don’t think a shot of my esophagus is exactly the best way to impress anyone.

Things were pretty cool after that. Right until the assistant working the suction got lazy.

You, of course, know what happens to saliva when it is unswallowed and exposed to air? Yes, Sherlock, it gets thick and sticky, and since the guy with the suction was aiming for my tongue, thick gobs of uncollected drool started dribbling down my chin.

It got so bad that the drool started forming crystalline strands of goo that was frankly, unflattering. Albeit, quite amusing. Everyone was smiling now. Except, of course, me. I think I was crying.

After the procedure I was reduced to usual self-pity while wiping the stains from my shirt.

So ended my modeling career.

…..

The teeth whitening procedure did work, though. My previously urine yellow teeth now look pearly white, albeit on the rusty side.

…..

Aside from that, Doc Beth’s an excellent dentist. Plus, she gives discounts whenever I squeal. So if you’re in town looking for a good dentist, look for Beth Caviteno at the Legend Condominium right across the Manila Sanitarium.

By the way, this is not a paid advertisement. A discount wouldn’t hurt, though. Right, Doc?

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